A new post!

I knew I hadn't posted in a while but I didn't know that I averaged a post a year and didn't do any last year. That's not good.  Also I wanted to do a follow-up to my lengthy post about Mastodon.

I'm still enjoying it a lot. Tried Bluesky which is fine and I followed a great many accounts that deal with history (useful, right?) but they don't post very often. I can't be bothered to pop in there lots and build up a better timeline.

Which brings me back to Mastodon.  I ended up not staying on writing.exchange and went with a UK based instance after trying several others. The yesterweb instance does not seem to get monitored much or had much upkeep done, I'm not sure if someone in charge is still active there. I liked that the character limit there is 5000. For when I want to write a literal essay. Then repost from my main account. There seems to be some issue with the Zirk.us account or instance, I should check if I closed that account.

I still haven't closed my old writing.exchange account - I dip in every so often to delete a few more posts of mine so I can easily find the ones that I haven't looked at in a long time. Then I might repost one that I want in my current timeline (listerally copying the text and posting as a new toot), follow some links to see if I want to save a bookmark offline, that sort of thing.

I have gone off Facebook majorly, their anti-diversity stance is atrocious, I just don't want part of it. Unfortunately there are a few people I don't have other contact info for. I intend to see if I can get an email or number. I am very close to finally deleting my instagram account. I had already unfollowed all the sewing, crafts and other accounts and only stuck with people I actually know, but the algorithm of what Instagram puts into your timeline is scary: it seems to know me incredibly well. I don't like that. With all the AI nonsense going on (even the MS Notepad suddenly contails an AI feature offering to help me rewrite!! Well F off you stupid thing. Definitely not needed, let alone wanted), that's too intrusive, too much, too way out of my comfort zone. So yeah, getting close to closing that.

If you are looking to try out Mastodon or want to know more about migrating from one community to another: you can take your followers with as I mentioned, and also your bookmarks (you save followers and bookmarks in a file each, and then import them in your new place) but I think I have not yet mentioned that you can't take your favourites with you. I tend to go back and remove them after a while to keep fewer of them. I haven't looked into Lists yet, that's meant to help you filter your timeline.

What I would like to find is a good RSS reader, and a balanced news site. I obviously access the usual but I am not fond of the BBC site (they were horrible during the time before we finally got Equal Marriage in the UK and I will never forgive them for it), and might access the Guardian more often but it keeps nagging you to pay. I'm not convinced that it's the site for me.

A lot of other websites I used to like have gone, it's the way of things: the world doesn't stop - it's constantly changing. I'd love to hear about useful new sites that make me feel that I'm able to dip into current things, the world's affairs. I'll keep an eye and ear out.

That Elephant site with the nice community

So, I joined Mastodon and I really love it!!

I went looking because his muskness was threatening to buy Twitter (that makes me part of the previous wave in April 2022), but this threat wasn't the direct cause, just the trigger. I had been looking for an alternative to the Birdsite for years but didn't come across Mastodon. It was an article that discussed what people might do if Elon bought Twitter, and the writer doubted that people would make the step across to Mastodon - and my ears perked up!

Masto... what?  I took a look immediately. Got a bit confused about this "instance" business, didn't get much further straight away. Looked into it again another day, okay that's the same as a server, got it. Hang on, there are really small servers, does that mean you get stuck with just a few people?  Oh no, actually those servers can all talk to each other so the exact instance isn't all that important. Right-hoe.

Which one?

I got stuck on that again. To cut a not endlessly long story (but not the shortest one either), short into concise form: I found one that I liked the sound of, writing.exchange, because that promised to feature writers and I was following quite a few on Twitter already. And Zirk.us also looks like a good community if you want to try somewhere else that's open to sign-ups (at time of writing).

It proved a good choice because Writing.exchange is not a huge instance like Mastodon.social or Mastodon.online - that's good because the ratio of moderators/admins to users is better on a small to medium sized server and they will react quicker if you were to run into trolls or harrassment.

I have not encountered any of that so far, at all. Mastodon is actually a nice place that prides itself on a community culture. For example by keeping posts accessible by adding descriptions (captions or alt text) to images and other visual items so sight impaired people can also enjoy those posts; and also by applying something called a CW that I want to explain further.

A CW on Mastodon (or the Fediverse) applies a 'Read More' or 'Show More' label to anything below the line in your post template. You can put whatever you want above the line, like a headline, subject or teaser - I must say CWs are great for jokes! You don't want to give the punch line away from the word go, right? So hide it for people to click through when they want to see it.

Think of a CW as a Content Wrapper, it gives so much more control to the people scanning their timelines: they get to decide if they want to see and engage with your post if it is about something that not everyone is keen to encounter.  That could be politics or health issues; food, mental health, direct eye contact, NSFW, or anything else where you wonder if you want to just blurt this out into your TL or if you want to give your followers the opportunity to decide that perhaps they're not up to having to scan by your post.

A CW is also great for truncated really long posts. The best reason for using CWs is to avoid people unfollowing you. If you feel that a photo with pronounced eye contact isn't something to get excited about, that might be true for a great many others too, but there will be those who find it really difficult. Just think of an issue that you don't want to encounter, and you'll get the gist. My personal bug bear is food photos, I can really do without those. And yes, a CW is actually short for content warning, but that's not to say that it has to stay being called that.

You get lots of other ways of shaping your timeline to your satisfaction. You can mute phrases, mute people (for varying lengths of time), you can block and unfollow - you can keep to your home timeline, spend most of the time in your responses, and you can even filter those reactions. You can also switch off seeing boosts by specific accounts, again for varying lengths of time if you think they just need to get something out of their system. You can follow posts in only those languages you specify (if you want to) or leave the default to all. You can set all CWs to expand automatically so you don't have to click through. There is a huge amount of functionality that I seriously appreciate. All this is brilliant. Take a while to get to know, but so worth it.

Here's more info: Boosts are re-tweets, they show the post to your followers and anyone who clicks through to your profile/timeline, and increases the reach of that post. It's a nice thing to do for others. You can also favourite or like a post - this will tell the poster that you enjoyed what they posted, and puts it into a favourites list in your profile. Likes/Favourites do not get shown publicly, this does not increase a post's reach. You can also use Bookmarks to keep a note of posts. If in doubt favourite or bookmark because timelines are now moving much faster (with the huge Nov 2022 incoming wave) and you might not find this post again. Oh yes, Mastodon posts are referred to as toots (that compares to tweets), but you don't have to use the expression if you don't want to. Up to you.

Timelines are chronological, there is no algorhythm that keeps you from seeing some posts - and that gives you full control. And did I mention the very best thing about Mastodon? It is free of ads!! No advertising, no sponsor message, no nothing like that. Such a relief.

And that means that the owners and admins of your instance are paying for that community's use of the instance. That in turn means that it's a really good idea to give them some money once you're happy that you want to stay on that instance. We want them to be able to keep the lights on, right?

 

Yes, this is an actual mastodon, the image above is of two mammoths.

 And if you try one server but find you're not so keen on the Home timeline (which is posts from people on your server), then you can move. You can take your followers with you (check the guidance on the two options so you pick the one that's best for you), but not your posts.

When you first start to use your shiny new account, the place will feel rather empty: search by using hashtags (there is no text search), and follow anyone who sounds even slightly like a likely prospect. Then look at the followers of the accounts you like best, and follow more people. Check out replies to posts you enjoy, follow those. Lots of short sesssion to build up your timeline of what you want to see.

Publish an #intro post, include some hashtags of your own to allow people to find you. It is slow going at first, but you will get there. If you want to have a look at posts from outside your own instance, there is the federated timeline but it can depend on the time of day (time zones!) of what you get to see.

What I love about Mastodon is that people are respectful towards each other, and often kind. The culture is great - and even though I didn't get it straight away (they want me to use content warnings, seriously?), it all grew on me. I really appreciate it now.

There are other ins and outs about Mastodon and the Fediverse. When you ask on Mastodon you often get an answer, you can also ask me here if you like - I'm happy to help.

Tips for decluttering

Baby steps
Doing a little at a time is perfectly acceptable. Rome wasn't built in one day so you don't have to be super woman aka domestic godess who achieves the total Beautiful Homes look by raising an eye brow. You get to take what time you need. And every little bit you do is one thing less that needs doing. This is progress!

Impetus
Dealing with just one or two items is better than throwing up your hands in despair and not touching anything. This is a good method to break through complete paralysis: pick up just one item and deal with it. Whatever shape or form the "dealing with it" takes: put it back where it should be, try it out to see if  still fit for purpose, gift it to someone else who needs it, or get rid of it another way. Just make sure you did something you wanted to do with this one item so you have one achievement under your belt, no matter how small or how significant. It all counts!
Then reward yourself for this success. This is important: you need the positive head space rather than negativity that clouds what you already achieved. Make sure you celebrate every little bit of success that ocmes your way! Reward yourself! 

Reward yourself
This can take all kinds of forms. Pick a reward that means something to you.
It could be quiet, relaxing time with a tea you love out of your favourite mug, sitting somewhere that you enjoy. It might be time playing with a dog, or 15 minutes reading a book or magazine. It could be a breather at an open window for however long you enjoy when you get to think about nice things and put all the chores out your mind: this is time that belongs to you.
I have other ideas that may work as rewards: knit for a bit, watch a specific tv programmes or a show you recorded (or Netflix), take a breather at the window, have a chat with a friend or neighbour, go for a walk in an interesting or relaxing place, look in on a shop you wanted to check out, make a cultural date with yourself of attending a museum, gallery or a talk, go for a ride, chill out on the sofa, wear your most favourite outfit, dance around the house to a song you love - I'm sure there are many other things that can make meaningful rewards or celebrations. Write them down when they occur to you, it's nice to be able to look it up when you can't think of it. 

Just something you enjoy and that makes you feel good.

 

I'll think of some more and will add them.

Now all I have to do is to follow my own advice... Okay then!

What happened?

I'm utterly aghast.

I just went to look at my blog (that I post to rather too infrequently, apologies!) - and I couldn't access it because I'm not one of the invited readers...?

Hello?

I'm the author!? Why wouldn't I be able to access my own blog?

So I checked the settings and found that it was indeed set to 'invited readers only.

That was not my intention. Of course I want people to be able to read my blog, that's the entire point.  I really don't know what happened.

Did I perhaps change this myself with the intention of turning it back on soon? But why would I do that? It is an utter, utter mistery to me.

This is incribly peculiar and it teaches me that I should check my own blog a bit more often.

Well anyway, we're back in business! (I sincerely hope)

Well, wow... About voting

I only just saw the 'embed' function of YouTube videos so I want to try it out. It helps hugely that I really like this video and am desperate to share it, even if just on this blog. It's a bit hard-hitting:


What do you think, does this make young (and younger) people more likely to vote?

I think it would have influenced me, particularly because I like to think that I have a contrarian bent... Not sure how true that is but this video would have spoken to me.

On the other hand I have often voted. And I like politics: I read and watch as much as I can and I feel hopeful that more people voting can and will make this world a better place - if we could only all make the effort: pay attention, think about context, causes and consequences and then exercise our democratic right to have our voice heard. In a nut shell: to vote.

What do you think?

Procrastination - how to slip, slide past it

The easy, not the hard way.  [Prepared earlier, in Jan 2018. Oops, talk about procrastination...]

Any time I see an article about how to beat procrastination, I read it.  I hope for the ultimate insight that will help me get rid of this awful obstacle that makes me feel paralysed and bad, bad, just horribly bad. Ugh.

"I would like to do xyz, but...!  I can't get going, I can't make myself do it, it's too hard, there is xyz difficulty that's stopping me, I just can't." - It's this awful feeling of being stuck in hardening mud. Very close to dried in concrete consistency.

Horrible!

So this last post I read talked about a mental exercise that is meant to connect you with the person you will be once you've done it, or achieved a long-term goal (something like it, I'm not actually quite clear on that point). I'm not too keen on this because it asks you to put yourself rather deeply into the paralysed state of how you feel when you're stuck.  To my mind that's not helpful because it makes me feel even more paralysed. I'd rather come from the other side: from a positive, constructive angle.

This other piece has a different piece of advice that might be pretty helpful: trading in the whole shebang of how dreadful you feel about being stuck right now with what it takes to spend only five minutes and make yourself do the dreaded task, - literally just for the five minutes. You can stop at that point.

I find this pretty helpful actually, particularly when it talks about being in the flow that puts you in a mental state when you no longer care that you used to be stuck once upon a time (when on earth was that? Oh pooh! I've forgotten already!).  That all sounds pretty familiar.

Embed from Getty Images

I just don't know that I can commit to these "just five minutes" all the time and with all the procrastination issues that I run into. Sometimes I am unable to motivate myself into even just five minutes, and that ends up making me feel ever worse... Bleurgh. You can imagine.

I found a way of sort of slipping or sliding past the procrastination obstacle, it works relatively well for me.  I suppose it is a version of the five minute rule. But hey! Whatever works, right?

So: here's what I found what works for me. There are a few different elements to it so it hope that some of it I might work for you too.

Procrastination is all about feeling very stressed or fearful of doing something. There's a heck of a lot of anxiety because I either want or desperately need to do something but it is getting worse and worse because I am just not doing it. I put it off, and put if off, and put it off...

While I do that I manage to get all sorts of other things done!  I'll voluntarily wash up, change the bed sheets, shine shoes... or those displacement tasks. The mere thought of the task makes me shudder and quickly turn to something else, because it is just all too much.

Anxiety Central.

But let's go with the constructive angle, let me pick an example.  I made this beautiful embroidery of orange trees and and a gorgeous border of fruit and berries. The embroidery was all done (halleluya!) but I wanted to turn it into a cushion cover and give the whole thing to my mum as a present. I knew she'd love it and was really looking forward to being able to hand it over.

Did I?  Nope. It must have taken me about 10 years, give or take. And the most horrible, "I could kick myself in the butt" part of it all was that it took me an hour to put the cushion cover together.  Once I started.

It was that starting that was the problem and something else.

Before I successfully stopped smoking I had the same issue and it got me onto the solution:

How am I going to do this?  

What are the practical, actual steps that I'll do?  How am I getting this done?  What does it take? That was it!

Before I was able to envisage stopping smoking I had to start thinking about how I was going to do it. Was I going to use nicotin replacement products like gum or patches, would I want to go with sugarfree lollies to give my mouth something to do? How did I want to approach it?

It still took months but this was the essential first step I needed to put in place, it didn't work without that. In the case of the cushion I needed to ask myself what sort of cover I wanted to make and what the first step was.

A big frill around it has to be sewn to something, and not just the embroidery itself. I didn't realise that: it was just this big mystery about how a mysterious process that would turn a flat embroidered piece into a slip cover. Funnily enough I did a cushion cover with the same technique a few months before I finally spent the hour getting over my ten year long hump. So I learned just in time, but I hadn't thought it through.

So that's what I want to think about in future: anything I procrastinate about: I want to think of the practical steps I either need to take, and that I want to do. It doesn't have to be the way other people would get this done, I can find my own way!

If you want to do the same but feel totally clueless about where to start: the Internet is your friend. It is your very clever friend. It seems to obvious but type in your question: how do I...?  More often than not (and several hours of fun researching this later. Beware the rabbit hole, but hey! That's fun too) you will find an answer of something to try. If it doesn't work for you then keep looking.  Figuring stuff out is part of the feeling of achievement, you don't need someone to take you by the hand and talk you through this: you've got this!

Just one little bit

My other very practical advice for those tasks that I find difficult to get started on is to get to your feet and go get one very small bit done.  Something as small as winding a sewing machine bobbin with the right colour sewing thread, or washing an ashtray out. Or pulling out one of the bits of paper you need for your tax return, something small. Anything at all.

With the understanding that you don't have to do anything else. I don't like to commit to five minutes, it feels like too much pressure. All that expectation that I'll get even five minutes done!  It is paralysing.  I might be able to do a single little bit - and I like to go do that as soon as I think of what it might be. Just slip it in there!  Just a nice, quick one.  Nothing more. Oh no Sir! Utterly, completely, definitely no, not at all, nuthing more...

...oh go on then, just a little bit more. Or not, no pressure. But if the next little bit seems easily do-able, why not? Every little helps!

Sometimes you get into the flow (that's what you're aiming for) but not always. Be proud of that single thing you managed to do! It is more than you had gotten done before that. Sit back down, celebrate the feeling of achievement! You've done good.

And whenever the urge or the thought comes up of what the next step might be, go and do that too - however long after the first one. At some point you'll start doing this thing that you've put off for so long. You've "tricked" yourself into it by taking the pressure of expecation out of the equation. That's sometimes all it takes.

And here's the last element that helps me.

A change is as good as a rest

When I sew a project that feels endless and I find it difficult to keep going - this often happens when I haven't found "the flow" or dropped out of it.  I know I could do more but I am feeling something close to revulsion about having to carry on with the blasted task.

Then a bit of a change is good. You can do something like changing the order of things that you need to do to complete your tasks, or you can go do another small (unrelated) task that also helps you feel achievement. It's probably a good idea to do something that won't take long. It does happen that I'll happily distract myself from the dreaded task by deep-diving into something else that I get the flow thing with. You might get yourself back into it with another stab at a small thing only.

The benefit

And the last thing I'd like to add is that it helps a lot to have a visual image in mind: something that will or could happen once you're successful. I kept imagining the look of sheer surprise on my father's face when he'd realise that I no longer smoked. It really kept me going, it was such a nice thing to aim for because it made me feel exceedingly good.

So that's my ideas. I'd love to hear of other things that help you get around procrastination. Please comment!

PS: These posts are also pretty good: why procrastinators procrastine (part 1) and how to beat procrastination (part 2). Actually thinking about it, these posts probably did influence my ideas (as above) quite a bit. So give them a read, see if if kicks something off in your brain.

Another blog post that I started in 2012.

I just came across a brilliant quote: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." - said by Yogi Berra, a US baseball player who coined quite a few often used phrases.  His most famous and most often used phrase is: 'it ain't over till it's over'.  I didn't know he said it.

Embed from Getty Images

They are often interpreted as malapropisms but I can't agree to see it just like that.  Some of the time accidental bon mots are a lot deeper. A fork in the road: whatever route you go, it is much better than not 'taking it'.  It's got to be the worst thing to be stuck at a decision and not know which way to turn.

It's not easy to listen to your inner voice that can help you figure out what it is exactly that you want to do.  Some of the time we seem to be utterly out of touch with that wise guide.  At other times we think we ought not to listen to it or get stuck with a multitude of facts that we think we ought to consider before we set off on any course of action.

That's not how human beings work though.  We would like to think of ourselves as sensible, rational beings.  People who make up their minds after careful consideration and mulling over of all the pros and cons.  Yeah, right, as if.

We don't.  Lots of times we make a gut decision and go with that, only rationalising it later.

- -

I seem to have lost track of what I was trying to say.  A bit like wandering around in the wilderness looking for a path.  That reminds me: there was a second quote I read on Twitter today that I really liked: "Searcher, there is no road. We make the road by walking." (Antonio Machado, from a 1912 poem by him) - I don't know if I'd be comfortable feeling myself traipsing about on completely untrodden ground, that sounds downright scary.

But if the road we walk is the path we take throughout our lives, then this is indeed new territory as we go, otherwise we'd be lemmings.  Nah, thanks.
This quote really struck me as something I'd like to mull over a bit.  I wonder if I am approaching a fork but I haven't quite gotten to it yet.  That's why this blog post sounds so theoretical.

Oh well, hey ho. Food for thought!

Move posts, keep goals

This is a post I drafted in 2012, and forgot to publish. It is still a good thought that I'm glad I came across again. I want to also blog again. Let's see how that goes!

Embed from Getty Images

I caught an advertising slogan out of the corner of my eye this morning: something about moving posts but not goals.  It's very apt: my goals are the things I want to achieve - those are not going to change whatever else happens, - but it is the posts that can be moved, uprooted and re-set.

I don't have to rigidly stick with 'the plan' that I hoped would get me there.  I can be flexible and reconsider when things enter tough-going terrain and I begin to fear that I am giving up on a cherished hope.  I tend to run out of steam somewhere along the way and feel utterly frustrated and discouraged when that happens.

Thinking about this posts versus the actual goal thing: the discouragement has nothing to do with the goal being 'too tough', my goal is still the same thing: something I would love to be able to do or to get to.  Whether it's an activity (like dressmaking or heck yes even dating), or something I want to get to (like slimming down and getting fitter), or what I want to be (more optimistic; living in a more 'aware' manner; becoming more confidant about achieving my goals even).  Whether it's tough or easy to achieve, the goal remains the same.

But the posts I set to get there, those can be anything and anywhere.  I see them as both the measurements I use to decide success or failure as well as my overall strategy in itself.

I've often made the mistake of going very over-the-top in what I expect from myself in terms of a specific goal.  When I think about wanting to be slimmer I get totally carried away and start to think that a couple of kilos just won't do and it's got to be at least a stone that I want or need to lose, and while I'm at it, why not two stone or, heck, even three?

Where does that rubbish thinking come from?  Why on earth would I heap this monumental burden on top of my hopes and inflate expectations and standards to  unachievable proportions?  Am I trying to set myself up for a lack of success?  Am I trying to make sure that I'll fail?  What the hell is going on?

This is ridiculous.

My goal hasn't changed: I still want to slim down and get fitter.  Feel better within myself.  Be proud of the way I look and the way I carry myself.  But it seems that I've done something with the posts that almost guarantees that the goal remains at an unreachable distance from my grasp.  The initial expectation and hope of perhaps a couple of kilos, maybe three, - that's achievable.  Is it that I'm scared that I won't achieve the low-expectation objective?  Is that why I ratchet up my expectation so I can tell myself: oh well, it was too difficult, no wonder that I didn't succeed.  Is that it?

Eating the right kinds of fat

Well, what do you know.  It is important to eat the right kinds of fat and I just found out that I don't know nearly as much about that subject as I fondly imagined I did.

Dang.

Very inspiring article in the Huffington Post: Time for an oil change
(Give it a read, lots of useful information there.)


I have noticed some of these symptoms but had no idea that these are clues: brittle nails, dry skin and aching joints.  Because of my high cholesterol I try to eat as little fat as possible and eat more omega 3 rich foods than other greasy and processed foods.  It seems that I have't identified the right kinds of food yet.

I am doing okay in eating salmon but I was clueless about walnuts and brazil nuts.  These are good for me?  Dammit, I love those and I've been trying to stay away from them!

I can't believe that I didn't know that.  I feel a bit stunned.  Pulled up.  It is really good to find out now: I can start to do something about this.

I thought for a while that I want to find out more about nutrition.  My diet is not great and I know it could be a lot better.  I'm beginning to get the feeling that my diet might actually be quite a bit worse than I thought - the lovely thing is that I can actively do something about it and the best place to start is knowing what kinds of foods to try that I haven't given a chance.

It is even better that between writing the last bit and this, I went and got busy in the kitchen.  I had courgette and broccoli stems in the fridge that were fresh, lots of onion and made steamed rice with it.  I'm munching on that now.  Nothing to do with fats (I used a touch of olive oil) but I am doing something about my vegetable deficit.

My problem is that I don't really know what tastes good.  When standing in a big supermarket it's just so hard to try and decide what I feel like. And when I find ingredients or sauces and marinades that sound tasty then I don't know how to cook them.  I am just clueless. If I do ever date again then I will need to warn the poor guy: I boil a mean pasta (just the right side of nicely al dente. A lot of the time anyway) and I'm a terrific warmer-upper of pasta sauce, but apart from that...

I had a lime and sweet chilli marinade that works well with these vegetables plus a can of chopped tomatoes. I added plenty of salt reduced soy sauce and then went to town on some herbs that I felt like: Italian mixed herbs, chilli powder and lemon pepper.  A bit of chicken would have improved the meal but that's the only negative.  I very much want to try out all sorts of flavours so I know what I like - I'll be able to shop with specific dishes in mind and I just know that that's going to make things so, so, so much easier!

I will be looking out for walnuts and omega 3 eggs next time I'm in the supermarket (I can already picture which aisles they're on) - I would add them to my shopping list, if I made one, whoops (another point for that list of: might be a good idea/could try that).  Now all I need to figure out is: what the heck is cold water fish when it's at home?

Isn't it a good thing that I like figuring things out?  Another opportunity for my favourite pastime: diving into this there Internet thingy  - with abandon!

Fun.

Sign the petition for Marriage Equality in the UK!

c http://www.c4em.org.uk/

Please think about signing the petition for marriage equality in the UK (if you are a UK citizen).  You will need to give a valid email address because the c4em website will email a link to you that you need to click for your signature to be counted.  Your name will then be shown in the list below the above graphic next to the number of people who have signed by then.

This petition is to counteract the group that says it collected 25k signatures on a petition that calls for: 'Don't play politics - one man + one woman - with marriage', the dashes are meant to show line breaks.  The background colour of that petition is green, just in case you come across it.

There are some strong differences.  The biggest one I noticed is that the marriage equality petition does not carry a 'donate' link.  What a difference a little word makes!

The difference is integrity, honour: not wanting our friends, family, neighbours and colleagues to be discriminated against.  I find some of the arguments for what is often referred to as 'traditional' marriage rather strange.  This tradition thing has changed so much over time that using this as an argument is ludicrous (it used to be legal for a grown man to marry a little girl, the age a girl could be married off was ridiculously low! The C4EM site quotes a few more reason to look into).  There are so many logical disconnects in what retired Archbishop Carey had to say, or the David Burrowes piece was very odd too (he seemed to say that now is not the time? If  not now, then when?).  None of it makes any sense.

Let's get this to more than 25,000 people!  The majority of British people do not wish to discriminate.

The new year

It's already quite a few weeks since the beginning of the new year but better late than never.  I don't do New Year's Resolutions because I never keep them and that makes me feel not just disgusted with myself but abjectly downcast at yet another failure.  It's a horrid feeling and I'm fed up with it.  I'm not putting myself through that again, it's like dropping something on your foot and then hitting yourself for being clumsy.  Just to really rub it in!

A few years back I had more than enough of this constant beating myself up over something that feels like an 'other people's tradition' anyone.  Off with the yoke!  I decided on a clear-cut New Year's resolution:  never make another one.  You can't imagine my glee at finding that I've kept that one!

So I'm not going to diminish my one lone success by ever making another resolution.  Don't wanna.  Uh-uh.  No way.

But that's not to signify that I don't want to think ahead and perhaps think of hopes and plans for the year ahead.  I feel relieved at how vastly different that feels compared to the pressure of a resolution.

What I would like to do in the year 2012 is to live life a touch more aware, more consciously.  If that makes any sense.  I don't want to find myself in yet another rut just because it's what happens to me.  I don't want to contend myself with things as they happen to happen, but I'd like to think a lot more about what I want, what's important to me, what I enjoy and what I can do to go after that.

There are things I'd like to do that I have varying degrees of yearning for.

I seem to be pretty blocked in terms of two of them: stuff I'd absolutely love to do and yet can't push myself to do.  It's driving me nuts!

Neither is rocket science and I am more than capable of doing them.

One it to cook and eat more vegetables.  That's a particularly important one to me because of what it means for my health and well-being.  General levels of physical fitness as well as energy levels which have a direct knock-on effect on how I feel.  Eating more vegetable will make it easier to lose weight, that would make me feel exceedingly proud.

Losing weight in turn also has an effect on my shape.  And that's where the other desperately yearned for wish comes in that I seem to be incapable of doing anything about: I'd love to do some dressmaking.  Yep, sounds rather silly and really daft when you consider that I knit like someone obsessed (and I'm pretty darn good at knitting even if I say so myself) but I can't motivate myself to pick up a bit of sewing?  Thing is, I used to do a bit of it, and I wasn't bad.  Could have been better (not what a perfectionist likes, trying to get away from that. More pressure that I want to cut out of my life) but not bad.

The weight loss/shape thing has a direct connection: if I get more toned and a bit slimmer, then clothes are going to hang on me a heck of a lot better.  Being able to make clothes that fit me perfectly is a very cherished dream - you could buy the most expensive designer glad rags that you can afford, if they aren't quite right for you you're not going to feel all that great in them.

I know exactly what kinds of things I'd like to make: very basic shapes that depend on technical proficiency to become more than the sum of their parts.  It might be the perfectionist in me talking again (aha, maybe there is more to this writing things down than I realised!) but I want to make a very basic, say, skirt that fits me perfectly and that's the damn best sewing that I can muster.  No puckers, no pulling, no bagginess but instead really nice, well-done seams - length and width that's just right for me, fabric pieces that work really well for the overall shape.  That kind of thing!

I also have pretty specific ideas about this cooking malarkey: having high cholesterol means that I am giving saturated fats as wide a berth as I can.  So it'll be steamed veg with steamed rice and maybe some lean meat, chicken or fish.  The vegetable will have to add a lot of taste and flavour when I am not included a lot of fat (unsaturated fats like e.g. olive oil are fine).  Fat is a flavour carrier: add a bit of cream and the flavours pop!  I don't want that bit of cream.  A bit here, and a bit there, and then some more and then again a heck of a lot more... It just means that I can't stop.  Consuming what isn't good for me has immediate consequences: I feel heavy and sluggish, energy levels are seriously down.  No thanks.  No cream for me, ta all the same.

So put like that, that vegetable stuff takes on quite a lot of importance: whenever I manage I feel great.  Both due to the achievement as well as the actual nutritional benefit.

I am utterly perplexed about what is holding me back.

The sewing block thing is a little easier to explain: I could have been a contender!  Nah, just kidding.  But there were five projects over the last three years that went wrong (very, very wrong...) for various reasons.  Painful.  Exasperating.  Demotivating.  It made me want to chuck the whole lot in a corner, stomp my foot and go: I don't wanna play any more! Bah.  Imagine the stuck-out bottom lip on this one.  Yep, just like that.

The perfectionist streak does make it more explainable as well: once I get to grips with those basic shapes, then what I'd like to do is to design my own.  Lean on commercial patterns where it's useful, but put fabric pieces together in those ways that my busy little brain is coming up with.  Wouldn't that be something?

And there's the rub: I think I'm scared of success.  I know I can knit pretty darn well and I just have this gut feeling that I can learn how to sew pretty darn well too.  Which is a cherished idea and what scuppers it is that if I try, I'll find out whether I was right or wrong.

So that's it.  Definite plans for the year: push through two blocks and stop being a silly ninny.

I hope I'm listening to myself.

Change is good



Change is good.  It doesn't have to be scary.  What is scary is hate filled speech by people who never learned that they can accept that people are different.  It is as if some people are only able to feel good about themselves when everyone that surrounds them is just like them.  As if different opinions, as if diversity in itself, is felt by them as a rejection of who they are - as if to their mind it affects how good they feel about themselves.

Hey: if you need to look down on others so you can feel good about yourself - there's something wrong here.  If you can't accept that others lead their lives on principles and values you don't approve of, if you have to disparage others - then your own morality is not moral.  You give no-one the right to tell you how to lead your life, do not expect to take this right upon yourself: you are not your brother's keeper, you are not the keeper of others.  You can only make judgements about yourself.  Do you?

Whatever we are used to, it's comfy.  It feels like it has to be right because it is familiar.  When you realise that something doesn't work for you any longer, when it becomes clear that a change of some sort is needed, - it can feel very scary.  So scary that many people would rather do anything except to change.

That's because all of us are not used to change.  We all of us embrace what we know.  We all of us cling to what makes sense to us.  But that doesn't mean that we can't see what's beyond our realm of experience.  That we can't open our eyes and see.  We should be able to see that others have different points of view.  We should be able to feel that that's okay.

The world can be a brighter place when we are not too scared about what divides us in terms of experience, knowledge, values and insights.  Just like a homophobe is too scared of shining a light on their own prejudices we should look at our own prejudices and examine them.

Change is scary but it is not bad for us.  Particularly when we allow ourselves to learn.


What kicked off this blog post is this site I found: http://www.whof.net/ - I am very impressed by the project: reporting homophobic hate speech on Facebook.  Acting against hate is so important and I probably don't do enough of it myself because I only talk with people who already agree with me.
There are some terrific sections about LGBT issues - I particularly like the page on what to do when you are being bullied, whether that's homophobic bullying or bullying for other reasons.  Well worth checking out.

Countdown to DADT repeal

It finally happened, the repeal of DADT has been certified, as of yesterday 22 July 2011.

In 60 days, on 20 September 2011, the US military follows the example of so many other countries around the world (only 11 years after for example the UK) in no longer investigating and discharging LGB service members.  Lesbian, gay and bisexual people will also be able to enlist.

Here is the countdown clock marking down the 60 days till this odious law is off the book:

This is a massive step that I feel makes the world become a better place. More tolerance for diversity, a better undertanding that people are different - and a point that I feel very strongly about.

No-one is worth more than another human being.  We cannot in all good conscience look down on someone else and feel that we are entitled to more rights and privileges than someone else. This would just be unconscienable.

Everyone is worth the same, everyone has the same value and no-one is superior to anyone else.

I am very glad that the US will no longer dismiss service members for nothing else than their sexual orientation, or not permit them to enlist.  Just like their straight counterparts, LGB service members are doing a great job defending their nation and in turn making the world a safer place.  I also hope that the US will soon change their position and will permit transgender people to serve (as is the case in for example Canada).  I hope that the same sex spouses of service members will one day soon receive the same benefits as the husbands and wives of straight service members.  I hope that their children are able to live just as all other children of military couples and not have to contend with discriminatory differences that their parents are subjected to due to DOMA.

But for now: 60 days till 20 September.  Good riddance to DADT.

My new Favicon

Oh the little things in life that bring us joy:  I just managed to a) discover that you can change the Blogger icon (long a thorn in my eye, making me feel exceedingly grumpy!) - and b) I managed to change it to something much, much more appropriate!

A little lady bug, just like on my logo pic!

Ooh, isn't it delightful?  And cute too.  Maybe a tad difficult to see (ahem, I mean: recognise), but still.  It's no longer that bland orange B of Blogger but something individual instead.

Just the kind of thing I like.  A lot.

I am such a geek. Har-de-har-har!

I also put a link to my Twitter account into my blog description.  I just hope it works.  I renamed my main account to @GrumpyMoll (most appropriate, wouldn't you say! Though it is meant just a teensy bit ironic {rubs nose lightly}).

So there we go: those little things in life that bring joy and satisfaction!

Just shows again: to each their own.  This is my kinda thing that makes me ridiculously happy.

What does sleep have to do with weight?

What I came across today: really interesting information when you're desperately trying not to gain weight but something unfathomable is going very, very wrong. You try and try and it ain't happening.

Well, are you sleeping enough? Well enough, early enough?

I never thought to connect the amount of sleep I get with my fluctutions in weight.  Stands to reason that other things work out better as well when you get enough sleep, - but your weight?  Blimey, that's a really good point - I will definitely watch out for a bit to see how I am doing on this.

Here is the link to the article: "People who stay up late eat more, eat worse, study finds". There is the link to the source data on Obesity, a research journal, this also mentions previous studies on animal feeding times and their weight regulation.  One of the big conclusions of the present study (about humans, obviously) is that eating after 8pm increases the risk of obesity.  Who'd have thought that there's scientific evidence for this. In-ter-est-ing!

Years ago I saw an Oprah Winfrey programme where she mentioned that she doesn't eat after a certain time in the evening ("Not even a grape!"), which happened to be earlier than 8pm, and was and is way too early for me.  I would think that her work day starts a lot earlier than mine though.  I'd arrived at a 8pm cut-off time as a good time for me and I was very happy to find that I lost over a stone and a half in weight.  It took about 8-9 months.  The nice thing was that I wasn't doing anything all that differently except for just not eating after 8pm.  (Most of the time: aiming for doing the right thing 80% of the time is good.  It is achievable and that percentage gives you optimum effect and the best chance of success)

The trick is to find the right time to make the change into the new regime.  Our habits don't let go of us so easily, it takes a bit of time and effort to adapt to a new habit and stick with it.  When I had success with this (rather a while ago...) it was because I started on a Friday evening when I didn't have anything on and a whole relaxing weekend to get into it - there was no pressure, no stress from having to be anywhere or do anything.  I think I'd like to do that again: look out for the right time and then go for it.  Might be useful to make sure I have healthy food in the house and an idea of what to cook so I can do that in time for the cut-off point.  Always useful to have a plan...

The bit about not eating even a grape is to do with the acid/fruit sugar in a grape: it does a great job in increasing your appetite.  Not the sort of thing you want to happen late in the day: you've already eaten your evening meal and you really don't want to have to deal with getting hungry again.  Particularly when you had enough food...  Makes sense, don't it?

The increase in appetite is down to, I think, the effect on your stomach juices (or are they called digestive or gastric juices?  Basically, the liquid stuff that breaks down food).  Plain water is good: there's nothing in there with unwanted side effects and it fills your stomach.  Some people prefer not to drink anything with a meal, they say that it dilutes those stomach juices and makes digestion less effective, or something along those lines.  I am not sure what I think of this thought yet, I'll have to look into it a bit further.

There's another good article: "Are you getting enough good sleep?"

This also relates consequences of poor sleep as "increased fat storage" as well as "reduced insulin sensitivity" amongst other factors.  I thought the reference to magnesium deficiency was very interesting.  The problem is that symptoms of magnesium deficiency are extremely hard to interpret correctly.

Favourite Quotations

I just saw a tweet by Cesar Millan that I like:

"Don't let the past hinder your progress. Let it go and stay true to the dream"

I like that. He knows what he's talking about when you're trying to improve your skills as a pack leader: dogs are not hung up about the past, they react to the energy you bring now.

The quotation transfers pretty well to everything else. Why remain stuck on something from the past that doesn't help you now but instead makes everything so much harder?


There are other quotes I like:

'I would rather get occasionally taken advantage of, than run through life with permanently bared teeth.'

'Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today, cos if it was fun today, you can go for it again tomorrow!'

And Winston Churchill had a lot of brilliant things to say:

'Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.'
'We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us'
'The first quality that is needed is audacity.'
'We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.'

And one I'm often guilty of:
'The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.'

An exercise to boost your self-esteem

I'm really fed up with the negative rubbish that sometimes runs through my head (ker-klunk, ker-klunk, ker-klunk).  Dark, dysmal, gloomy thoughts are such an obstacle to living life more positively, cheerful and brighter:  when your sense of curiosity animates you, when hopefulness energises you and a positive frame of mind makes it possible to see things as do-able, instead of hanging back fearfully and letting the negativity restrict my outlook.

But when I keep telling myself the same old codswallop that I don't even want to think of let alone repeat here in this blog post, then trying to hit the off switch ain't all that easy*.

That's why I like the simple exercise as described in this article on the Gay UK News website. The specific bit starts a bit further down and is head-lined: Boost your confidence.

Making a list of things you feel good about, and re-reading it as often as you can!  I really like the idea.

I do similar things, even though probably not often enough.  I like to put up a big old sign with a short mantra or quotation.  I place it next to a mirror or on a door that I use a lot.  Anywhere where I will see it often.

I don't keep the same one forever.  The shortest one said: Smile!
The corniest one was probably: I deserve it (I just about resisted the 'I am worth it' variation...).
I'm thinking of putting up a new mantra, it'll have to be something along fabulous lines.  I could do with a bit of a spark in my life.  (To be pondered...)

Other people do similar things with a photo, or a child's crayon drawing.  The kinds of things that remind you - feeling more upbeat is better for you (yup, corny again).

Maybe it's the body's natural endorphins that lift our mood, maybe that's how it works.  I don't really care, I just don't want the ker-klunk stuff running through my head.

*: I am not talking about depression.  I do not believe that you can lift yourself out of depression by using will power.  I am talking about the moods I get at times when negative thoughts do that carousel in my head thing.  The kind of thing where changing what you think will change how you feel.

Little things that make me happy

I was thinking this again last week: there are some little things that make me very happy whenever I happen to do them.

One of them is how my white everyday china sparkles when I've done the dishes.
Another one is how cosy it feels to slip into a freshly made bed.
And when I finally got round to continuing with a crafts project I've been putting off for ages! It's just sheer and utter bliss!

Why does it take so long and so much effort to do things whose outcome I know I'll enjoy enormously? Just how contrary as people are we that we struggle with stuff that we don't enjoy, and then we don't do the things we actually enjoy either??  What is that all about?

How very odd.

It doesn't take long to wash up a couple of dishes in order to bask in how sparkling and fresh they look.  And feel satisfaction from an achievement.  I suspect that the 'china question' has something to do with whether the sun is out or not.  On a gloomy, miserable day you can't exactly see that sparkle, can you?  Also: everything seems to take so much more effort to get going with if it's a grey and unwelcoming day outside.

There is another little thing that I really enjoy: I wanted to buy a chain of fairy lights just before Christmas last year to put up.  Couldn't find any.  But I found some branches (painted white) with fairy lights on.  I stuck those in a nice glass vase, a generously big cylinder with a nice rim, - and placed them on a window sill.  I love seeing them twinkle after it gets dark, it just gives my heart a warm glow - if that doesn't sound too soppy.  Yes, it does, but who cares. Right?

I think I'd like to do things like that more often.  It'll be fun.

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Civility

Much heard online right now.  A pretty important concept.  Do onto others as you wish to be treated.

Which made me feel rather red-facedly ashamed when I stood in front of the opening tube door this morning and didn't realise for a moment that I was standing in the way of someone trying to get off.

Because that's precisely the behaviour that I utterly and completely detest!

You're on a tube train, it pulls into your station.  You fought your way to, or nearer to, the door (or actually: you're just announcing your intention to get off at the next stop by standing up taller and looking very determined), the train stops, you see the people on the platform outside shifting around.  And just as you're congratulating yourself on having a clear path not just off the train but to zip along towards the exit too: someone shifts around some more and ends up right in your way: smack bang exactly in front of the opening door.  Usually with a really bovine expression on their faces: 'why aren't you getting off already so I can get on?'  When you say 'excuse me' the facial expression then changes to something like: 'Well, you can contort yourself and move around me, can't you!?' - I can't even begin to say how much that gets to me!

And this morning, I'm stood there like an absolute idiot waiting to get on the train, and I just couldn't understand why that wasn't possible straight away.  Not until that passenger said, rather annoyed (read: seriously pissed off): " 'scuse me!"  I completely understand the annoyance, believe me, only too well!

I hope that my "I am so sorry!" and jumping smartly out of the way was really as quick as I hope.  But, honestly, how daft of me!

I guess it's down to the fact that 'normally' at this time in the morning, no-one gets off the tube at this stop.  I must have been half asleep still.  But that's no excuse - I really should have been more with it and moved without having to be prompted.  Common courtesy.  It makes other peole feel better and it doesn't cost you anything.

I really must pay more attention, even when half-asleep and in my own little world.  It's not a new year's resolution (I don't do those), but I'd like to be a bit more conscious of the world around me, and something like this is definitely a part of it.  A big part.

I think I would like to think some more on the whole subject of good manners.  Wouldn't it be so lovely if I could raise my game a bit in that area, sort of generally, across the board?  That would really make me feel good about myself, I must say.

Here's to civility!

Are good manners important?  What do they mean to you?

Happy New Year!

I am looking forward to the new year:

+ I would like to enjoy the sunshine more when it is around (I can knit outside just as easily as I can inside)

+ I would very much like to call my loved ones more often on the phone: family and particularly friends.  Keeping in touch is so important and it can be a bit challenging, time just flies.

+ I have my heart set on a few crafts projects - the next pair of socks will be easy to start, the next sewing project needs a bit more follow-through after the previous three projects failed.

+ I would like to investigate a few more cafes that might be open later in the day so I can pop in after work.  Again to knit or just to sit typing up an email, we'll see.

+ More of the same for the point above: check out some of the public spaces like the Royal Festival Hall - I'd like to find out what other ones there are.

+ I am thinking about taking on more responsibility at work.

+ I am definitely going to post more to this blog, there are some subjects I'd like to remind myself about.  Think them through as I write them.

+ I have other less well defined ideas that I want to be open to (what's to stop me from freshening up the French I once knew?)

+ And above all I want to live a bit more 'aware' if that makes sense.  Not just slog along each day and resurface from the trance-like lull all too rarely, - but instead enjoy things more, think a bit more deeply and be more determined in going after the stuff I want.  No Sleeping Beauty coma for mother's daughter!  Let's kick that into touch.

* Most importantly: let's thoroughly enjoy things & kick ass...


Have fun and a fabulous first day of the year!

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