Tips for decluttering

Baby steps
Doing a little at a time is perfectly acceptable. Rome wasn't built in one day so you don't have to be super woman aka domestic godess who achieves the total Beautiful Homes look by raising an eye brow. You get to take what time you need. And every little bit you do is one thing less that needs doing. This is progress!

Impetus
Dealing with just one or two items is better than throwing up your hands in despair and not touching anything. This is a good method to break through complete paralysis: pick up just one item and deal with it. Whatever shape or form the "dealing with it" takes: put it back where it should be, try it out to see if  still fit for purpose, gift it to someone else who needs it, or get rid of it another way. Just make sure you did something you wanted to do with this one item so you have one achievement under your belt, no matter how small or how significant. It all counts!
Then reward yourself for this success. This is important: you need the positive head space rather than negativity that clouds what you already achieved. Make sure you celebrate every little bit of success that ocmes your way! Reward yourself! 

Reward yourself
This can take all kinds of forms. Pick a reward that means something to you.
It could be quiet, relaxing time with a tea you love out of your favourite mug, sitting somewhere that you enjoy. It might be time playing with a dog, or 15 minutes reading a book or magazine. It could be a breather at an open window for however long you enjoy when you get to think about nice things and put all the chores out your mind: this is time that belongs to you.
I have other ideas that may work as rewards: knit for a bit, watch a specific tv programmes or a show you recorded (or Netflix), take a breather at the window, have a chat with a friend or neighbour, go for a walk in an interesting or relaxing place, look in on a shop you wanted to check out, make a cultural date with yourself of attending a museum, gallery or a talk, go for a ride, chill out on the sofa, wear your most favourite outfit, dance around the house to a song you love - I'm sure there are many other things that can make meaningful rewards or celebrations. Write them down when they occur to you, it's nice to be able to look it up when you can't think of it. 

Just something you enjoy and that makes you feel good.

 

I'll think of some more and will add them.

Now all I have to do is to follow my own advice... Okay then!

Move posts, keep goals

This is a post I drafted in 2012, and forgot to publish. It is still a good thought that I'm glad I came across again. I want to also blog again. Let's see how that goes!

Embed from Getty Images

I caught an advertising slogan out of the corner of my eye this morning: something about moving posts but not goals.  It's very apt: my goals are the things I want to achieve - those are not going to change whatever else happens, - but it is the posts that can be moved, uprooted and re-set.

I don't have to rigidly stick with 'the plan' that I hoped would get me there.  I can be flexible and reconsider when things enter tough-going terrain and I begin to fear that I am giving up on a cherished hope.  I tend to run out of steam somewhere along the way and feel utterly frustrated and discouraged when that happens.

Thinking about this posts versus the actual goal thing: the discouragement has nothing to do with the goal being 'too tough', my goal is still the same thing: something I would love to be able to do or to get to.  Whether it's an activity (like dressmaking or heck yes even dating), or something I want to get to (like slimming down and getting fitter), or what I want to be (more optimistic; living in a more 'aware' manner; becoming more confidant about achieving my goals even).  Whether it's tough or easy to achieve, the goal remains the same.

But the posts I set to get there, those can be anything and anywhere.  I see them as both the measurements I use to decide success or failure as well as my overall strategy in itself.

I've often made the mistake of going very over-the-top in what I expect from myself in terms of a specific goal.  When I think about wanting to be slimmer I get totally carried away and start to think that a couple of kilos just won't do and it's got to be at least a stone that I want or need to lose, and while I'm at it, why not two stone or, heck, even three?

Where does that rubbish thinking come from?  Why on earth would I heap this monumental burden on top of my hopes and inflate expectations and standards to  unachievable proportions?  Am I trying to set myself up for a lack of success?  Am I trying to make sure that I'll fail?  What the hell is going on?

This is ridiculous.

My goal hasn't changed: I still want to slim down and get fitter.  Feel better within myself.  Be proud of the way I look and the way I carry myself.  But it seems that I've done something with the posts that almost guarantees that the goal remains at an unreachable distance from my grasp.  The initial expectation and hope of perhaps a couple of kilos, maybe three, - that's achievable.  Is it that I'm scared that I won't achieve the low-expectation objective?  Is that why I ratchet up my expectation so I can tell myself: oh well, it was too difficult, no wonder that I didn't succeed.  Is that it?

Eating the right kinds of fat

Well, what do you know.  It is important to eat the right kinds of fat and I just found out that I don't know nearly as much about that subject as I fondly imagined I did.

Dang.

Very inspiring article in the Huffington Post: Time for an oil change
(Give it a read, lots of useful information there.)


I have noticed some of these symptoms but had no idea that these are clues: brittle nails, dry skin and aching joints.  Because of my high cholesterol I try to eat as little fat as possible and eat more omega 3 rich foods than other greasy and processed foods.  It seems that I have't identified the right kinds of food yet.

I am doing okay in eating salmon but I was clueless about walnuts and brazil nuts.  These are good for me?  Dammit, I love those and I've been trying to stay away from them!

I can't believe that I didn't know that.  I feel a bit stunned.  Pulled up.  It is really good to find out now: I can start to do something about this.

I thought for a while that I want to find out more about nutrition.  My diet is not great and I know it could be a lot better.  I'm beginning to get the feeling that my diet might actually be quite a bit worse than I thought - the lovely thing is that I can actively do something about it and the best place to start is knowing what kinds of foods to try that I haven't given a chance.

It is even better that between writing the last bit and this, I went and got busy in the kitchen.  I had courgette and broccoli stems in the fridge that were fresh, lots of onion and made steamed rice with it.  I'm munching on that now.  Nothing to do with fats (I used a touch of olive oil) but I am doing something about my vegetable deficit.

My problem is that I don't really know what tastes good.  When standing in a big supermarket it's just so hard to try and decide what I feel like. And when I find ingredients or sauces and marinades that sound tasty then I don't know how to cook them.  I am just clueless. If I do ever date again then I will need to warn the poor guy: I boil a mean pasta (just the right side of nicely al dente. A lot of the time anyway) and I'm a terrific warmer-upper of pasta sauce, but apart from that...

I had a lime and sweet chilli marinade that works well with these vegetables plus a can of chopped tomatoes. I added plenty of salt reduced soy sauce and then went to town on some herbs that I felt like: Italian mixed herbs, chilli powder and lemon pepper.  A bit of chicken would have improved the meal but that's the only negative.  I very much want to try out all sorts of flavours so I know what I like - I'll be able to shop with specific dishes in mind and I just know that that's going to make things so, so, so much easier!

I will be looking out for walnuts and omega 3 eggs next time I'm in the supermarket (I can already picture which aisles they're on) - I would add them to my shopping list, if I made one, whoops (another point for that list of: might be a good idea/could try that).  Now all I need to figure out is: what the heck is cold water fish when it's at home?

Isn't it a good thing that I like figuring things out?  Another opportunity for my favourite pastime: diving into this there Internet thingy  - with abandon!

Fun.

Favourite Quotations

I just saw a tweet by Cesar Millan that I like:

"Don't let the past hinder your progress. Let it go and stay true to the dream"

I like that. He knows what he's talking about when you're trying to improve your skills as a pack leader: dogs are not hung up about the past, they react to the energy you bring now.

The quotation transfers pretty well to everything else. Why remain stuck on something from the past that doesn't help you now but instead makes everything so much harder?


There are other quotes I like:

'I would rather get occasionally taken advantage of, than run through life with permanently bared teeth.'

'Don't put off to tomorrow what you can do today, cos if it was fun today, you can go for it again tomorrow!'

And Winston Churchill had a lot of brilliant things to say:

'Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.'
'We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us'
'The first quality that is needed is audacity.'
'We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.'

And one I'm often guilty of:
'The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.'

An exercise to boost your self-esteem

I'm really fed up with the negative rubbish that sometimes runs through my head (ker-klunk, ker-klunk, ker-klunk).  Dark, dysmal, gloomy thoughts are such an obstacle to living life more positively, cheerful and brighter:  when your sense of curiosity animates you, when hopefulness energises you and a positive frame of mind makes it possible to see things as do-able, instead of hanging back fearfully and letting the negativity restrict my outlook.

But when I keep telling myself the same old codswallop that I don't even want to think of let alone repeat here in this blog post, then trying to hit the off switch ain't all that easy*.

That's why I like the simple exercise as described in this article on the Gay UK News website. The specific bit starts a bit further down and is head-lined: Boost your confidence.

Making a list of things you feel good about, and re-reading it as often as you can!  I really like the idea.

I do similar things, even though probably not often enough.  I like to put up a big old sign with a short mantra or quotation.  I place it next to a mirror or on a door that I use a lot.  Anywhere where I will see it often.

I don't keep the same one forever.  The shortest one said: Smile!
The corniest one was probably: I deserve it (I just about resisted the 'I am worth it' variation...).
I'm thinking of putting up a new mantra, it'll have to be something along fabulous lines.  I could do with a bit of a spark in my life.  (To be pondered...)

Other people do similar things with a photo, or a child's crayon drawing.  The kinds of things that remind you - feeling more upbeat is better for you (yup, corny again).

Maybe it's the body's natural endorphins that lift our mood, maybe that's how it works.  I don't really care, I just don't want the ker-klunk stuff running through my head.

*: I am not talking about depression.  I do not believe that you can lift yourself out of depression by using will power.  I am talking about the moods I get at times when negative thoughts do that carousel in my head thing.  The kind of thing where changing what you think will change how you feel.

Little things that make me happy

I was thinking this again last week: there are some little things that make me very happy whenever I happen to do them.

One of them is how my white everyday china sparkles when I've done the dishes.
Another one is how cosy it feels to slip into a freshly made bed.
And when I finally got round to continuing with a crafts project I've been putting off for ages! It's just sheer and utter bliss!

Why does it take so long and so much effort to do things whose outcome I know I'll enjoy enormously? Just how contrary as people are we that we struggle with stuff that we don't enjoy, and then we don't do the things we actually enjoy either??  What is that all about?

How very odd.

It doesn't take long to wash up a couple of dishes in order to bask in how sparkling and fresh they look.  And feel satisfaction from an achievement.  I suspect that the 'china question' has something to do with whether the sun is out or not.  On a gloomy, miserable day you can't exactly see that sparkle, can you?  Also: everything seems to take so much more effort to get going with if it's a grey and unwelcoming day outside.

There is another little thing that I really enjoy: I wanted to buy a chain of fairy lights just before Christmas last year to put up.  Couldn't find any.  But I found some branches (painted white) with fairy lights on.  I stuck those in a nice glass vase, a generously big cylinder with a nice rim, - and placed them on a window sill.  I love seeing them twinkle after it gets dark, it just gives my heart a warm glow - if that doesn't sound too soppy.  Yes, it does, but who cares. Right?

I think I'd like to do things like that more often.  It'll be fun.

-

How I managed to stop smoking and stuck with it

This is part 2 of my 'how I stopped smoking' post.

I woke up one morning, my throat felt like a fuzzy chimney and I really, really did not feel like a cigarette (the run-up to that is in part 1).

After thinking about it for half the day of dozing, I did decide that I was going to see how the next hour would go without smoking.

It went okay.

I cleaned out all the ashtrays, I found things to do to take my mind off it - and after that hour I decided that I wanted to do this 'not smoking thing' for another hour.  Again, no pressure, and just to see how it would go.

That went okay too.

By then I felt emboldened!  Maybe I could go the rest of the day and not smoke, and actually make it the first day of being a non-smoker?  Wouldn't that be something?

It was quite exciting, actually.

I went through the day after, a Sunday, halfway expecting for that excitement and resolve to melt away and vanish into nothingness, - or give way to overwhelming craving that I wouldn't be able to stand up to.

I always thought that you would have to muster a heck of a lot of will power and really fight against the craving - to get to be a non-smoker.  I have never done well when my hopes and ambitions go up against pressure and expectation.

I figured out that you can deal with a craving a different way:  wait it out.

It may sound a bit silly, but I found out that the passive way worked much better for me.  So much better that I did stop smoking that day and for the last six years (hah, and a bit!) I have not smoked.  Not even one puff.  How good is that?

And I think that my success is down to how I did it.

The waiting out thing worked for me like this:  the craving would come and I'd be afraid that it would build and build and build, as in get stronger, with me climbing the walls (I could literally picture myself spider-like stuck to the wall near its ceiling) and that I would then have to give in and light up.  To make the horrid pressure go away and stop the craving.

Well, I wasn't using will power, I wasn't fighting this.  Instead I let the craving wash over me like a wave and I waited to see what would happen.  Funny thing is: the craving did not get stronger, in fact it wouldn't even last very long.  Maybe two minutes at the most?  But I think most of the time it wasn't nearly as long as that.  More like half a minute, some times even just 20 seconds, at other times closer to a minute.

But I found it really doable to just wait until it passed.

You can do a minute or two at a time of feeling crap and horrible and feeling like you want to give up.  My nicotine cravings didn't stick around for very long, they never got stronger than when the craving first hit.

Over the years I've had a pretty bad attack of the craving maybe up to ten times.  I almost faltered at about four of those occasions.  I am a bit surprised that I didn't.

The other thing I did was research on the Internet: I found out what happens with your body 20 minutes after your last cigarette (the nicotine level in your blood goes back to normal), and what happens after so and so many hours and days, weeks and months, etc.

It was nice to check my progress against that sort of timeline.  I also found some quite supportive stuff that built my morale.

The biggest help was imagining the face of my father once he realised that I'd stopped!  My inner eye produced quite a picture!  That got me past many sticky moments.  I also marked each day with a big red letter in a paper diary.  Particularly up to Day 20 when I knew I would meet up with my Dad.

It was the funniest thing ever: he noticed immediately that I no longer stank of smoke but didn't dare ask me straight away if I could have possibly given up.  In fact he left it almost two hours and by then it had become very apparent that I hadn't lit up and wasn't going to any time soon.  And I wasn't going to tell him because I wanted his surprised reaction!  It was wonderful to get his very hesitant question if it was at all possible that I might have, possibly, at all, uh... given up? And to be able to answer: Yes! I have!

That was so good.

The other things I did was to go for a walk around the block: before I would have taken a quick cigarette break in the morning, and also during the afternoon.  I was worried that I would miss those breaks away from my desk so much that I might be tempted to pick up smoking again.  So I checked with the people at work to make sure it was okay to disappear for five minutes for my breather - in support of this whole 'giving up smoking' business!  They were happy to.

It was brilliant to walk round and be able to smell stuff that I hadn't noticed for years: the scent from a flower pot, someone's perfume, even the acrid smell of petrol from somewhere were all reason for celebration and joy!

I also kept a diary that I wrote in almost every day.  Just to put on paper how I was feeling, what I was experiencing, how it was going.  Sort of chart my progress and how things felt.  I also included my findings from the Internet: if something I'd found helped, if it sparked off any ideas or insights.  It felt like I was getting support from this, getting rid of some of the tension: by sticking it all down on paper.

These are the sorts of things that helped me.  It was a huge relief to find that the craving would remain at that intensity instead of getting worse, and would diminish relatively soon.  I found my walks a welcome interruption from work, and the anticipation to tell people once I felt successful enough to tell them: that was wonderful as well!

I reckon most of the things I did were setting myself up for success.  I managed to avoid the things that had often served to set things up for failure.  I don't handle pressure and expectation well, letting the craving pass by waiting it out worked so much better.

I hope this helps someone else.  You may find that there are other things that are useful to you but perhaps what I said sparks off something beneficial.

And I must say: I really enjoy being a non-smoker.  The money I save, the time I have available, the absence of the cigarette smell in clothes, hair and my home, the relief that I am no longer endangering my health but getting better every day - it is all good.  And I am so very glad that I didn't smoke that next cigarette on the day that became my first day as a non-smoker.  I would have gotten there but it would have taken so much longer.

Good luck to you! Take heart.

It is difficult but simpler than you think.  It is not as easy but also not as harrowing as we expect.

Relentless Positive Mental Attitude

Yeah, I know: PMA sounds like one of those - yawn - way over-used phrases that ought to get consigned to the dustbin never to see the light of day again.  I mean, come on: positive mental attitude?  There used to be scores of self-help gurus who kept spouting that and all sorts of nonsense that sounded good but suffered from the cotton candy syndrome.

That's what I call the stuff that looks utterly tempting, but as soon as you get your teeth into it... it just disappears into a sickeningly sweet coating on your teeth.  All style and no substance.  Nah, not for me thanks.

But there's a lot to be said for a positive outlook and in general terms: attitude.  How you look at things can make a huge difference.

I sometimes run around utterly grumpy and wonder why nothing will cheer me up.  Everything that happens seems to be designed to get on my nerves and get me down even more!

On those days it takes me a while (yeah right, if I stop to think) to realise that I'm impersonating negativity itself.  You could paint my world in sunshine, pick me up in a bear hug and twirl me around and it would, probably, not make a difference... (Hm, maybe a nice old hug would make things lots better).

There is one thing that I got myself into the habit of thinking positively about though.  That positive attitude does seem to stick whenever I think about it too.  A really good thing!



About 4-5 years ago I found out that I've got high cholesterol and need to reduce it by about 20%, just under.  At the time I was a week away from the major endeavour of moving house and really didn't have the head space to deal with this.

I made a conscious decision: I would put it off by two weeks and properly look into it then.  The GP surgery had given me a one page hand-out which wasn't hugely helpful (it quoted the outdated wisdom about eggs, if I remember correctly) but at least told me that I needed to avoid foods high in fats.

Saturated fat and trans fats in particular as I learnt later.  I think I managed to stay away from deep-fried items for the two weeks.  A good start.

There was a slight bit of misinformation I was initially given at the time: that the maximum cholesterol value was 6.5 (I was over by a bit) but I was then told the correct information: this value is 5 (in the US and continental Europe a different system is in use which, I believe, sets this maximum value at 200.  Oranges and lemons).

I wasn't unduly worried to begin with (because of that 6.5 figure) - a couple of weeks later I started to research the subject: online and a couple of books.  I found some useful stuff online, in particular a table of foods showing three categories: eat a lot of this (i.e. fresh vegetable etc), only eat those occasionally and the third was: avoid like the plague if you can (deep-fried stuff, innards, everything that's high in fats - all those beige looking, greasy items).

That was very useful.

Initially I found it annoying that I had to learn a whole new way of shopping: you can't just go up to your old favourites and chuck them in your shopping basket - you need to look at everything and check.

There was one thing I decided early on: I wanted to establish 'good habits' and not set myself up for failure by adopting the 'oh well let's eat the right stuff some of the time, but in reality stuff myself full of all the wrong stuff' - because, you know: it's a treat.

Except it isn't.

I had wondered, before that diagnosis, why I would feel particularly out of sorts, sluggish and frustratingly low in energy.  I would be hungry, pace up and down to try and think of what I wanted to eat but on investigating the cupboard find that nothing appealed.  There would be a lot of biscuits, crips, crackers, cakes, muffins and all sorts of other greasy foods.  If you can't check if an item is high in fat: if it leaves a bit of a coating on your fingers (like a biscuit or shortbread does) then it's high in fat.

None of those appealed.  The reason being: those high in fat foods were responsible for making me feel so sluggish - my cholesterol level just doesn't welcome more of the wrong foods, my body is craving the kind of stuff that's good for me.

Foods like: oats, avocado, fresh vegetables (let's not count potatoes though) and fresh fruit (I'm not keen on grapes and pineapple though) and there are others but I'll have to look them up again.

I think my cholesterol is a blessing in disguise.  I did mention that I was going to write about Relentless Positive Mental Attitude, right?  This is it.
When you think about it: it is a blessing in disguise.

What good are foods high in fat to you?  They are very "good" if you were a goose that's being fattened up to make fois gras.  That's the only reason: high-fat foods result in fatty livers.  Yum.

I would like to be slimmer than I am.  I specifically do not want to be a size zero nor anything approaching that.  A UK size 14 is my goal - this is the average size in this country and it would do me very nicely, thank you very much!  I am still one or two (more like two, sigh!) away from that, but I do see that as a gradual thing that I am moving towards.

And my cholesterol is helping me with that.  I do not want to feel low in energy and sluggish, I want to be slimmer because it would make me feel good about myself and very happy at my achievement.

So really, there's no need to get upset that I inherited familial cholesterol (Yup, it's the parentals' fault!) - I can most definitely see it as a good thing.  Avoid wrong foods, eat more of the stuff that I should, reduce my cholesterol, slim down, get very, very happy!

That's the ticket.

Just to add: I have had a couple of blood tests since the initial diagnosis.  I was told both times that my cholesterol level had come down and whatever I was doing was working: so keep doing that!  I may have to consider medication if my progress doesn't keep up, but so far so good.

Please note that I am not an expert in anything and please make sure you get proper medical advice if you suffer from high cholesterol or are overweight.  I would hate to be the cause for problems.  I just feel that a positive outlook can change the way you look at something, and that in turn may make it easier to follow a healthier lifestyle.

Please take everything I say with a huge pinch of salt and check it out for yourself.

I would love to hear from anyone about their experiences with high cholesterol.  And I just reminded myself that I need to get another test for an up-to-date reading.

The above image is from a site called EFN Your Health and Fitness Guide, and an interesting article: Good cholesterol can lower Alzheimer’s risk, worth a read!

Two links to kick things off



c The Fashion Police.net

 I don't very often come across a blog post that imparts a bit of a jolt.  Something to make me think: why the hell don't I try this?

Here are two links to blog posts that did just that:

Dressing for joy: do you love the clothes you put on? Do they bring you pleasure? Are your clothes truly 'yours' or did you pick them to hide in? Do you have a closetful of joy?

And the second one: a great blog post entitled: Happy body image: get up and move! - it's about exercising for the sheer joy of moving.  It doesn't mention endorphins, but that's bound to be the reason. Great pictures too.

The second blog post also has a link to another post (Clear your mind) by the same blogger.  This has the great line about Venus: "Have you ever seen a skinny goddess?"

These very much fall in the category of: I'd like to remind myself of this every so often.  And do something about it too.

PS: please note that the image at the top has absolutely nothing to do with the links, - I just like the dress. I linked to the site where it came from.

It is a beautiful life

© Christian Cabanero

For quite a while I thought about writing an essay about some insights I had over the last few years, or so.  'Essay' was the word that came to mind to describe it.

My life is nothing special; it is pretty ordinary.  There is nothing earth-shatteringly interesting or different about it at all.  But it is nevertheless a beautiful life.

I learned a few things over the years and I was looking for a way to share those insights and ideas.  I haven't written that essay though I started a few times.  It fell down mainly on the point of: would anyone want to read it if I sent it to them and said: there you go, read it, tell me what you think.

To be honest: that sounds like a bit of a chore that I wouldn't welcome if I was on the receiving end!

Maybe not such a good idea.  So my stops and starts (more stops than starts!) never led to anything.

Wrong medium?  I think so.

A blog is a much better idea, - I can just write whatever I want to and not worry about whether there is an audience for my everyday musings.  If there is, great.  If not: not to worry - I enjoy writing as a means and an end in itself.

But a blog, more than an essay (read: lengthy saga!) does have an advantage: I can stick this on the Internet and, who knows, I might get some feedback.  That would be great!  Getting a reaction means that you can think some more about those things you were pondering about.  A chance to figure out some more stuff.  Brill!

I am not holding myself out to be anything like an expert or a teacher - all I want to do is write about some stuff that I'd like to remind myself of, if nothing else.  I am definitely not wisdom incarnated (woah, far from it) so I'm bound to say something at some point that won't hold much water.  I'd love to hear what others think, so don't be shy!

The plan is to write a few posts about subjects that form the basis of my more recent insights.  These are things like positive mental outlook, ways of affecting my health and weight, the way I am learning to appreciate exercise (I can't believe I'm saying that!), how I think that nutrition can affect your mood (I could be way off base but I think I'm on to something on this) and a few things more that'll come up when I think of them.

Being alive is an incredibly good thing (to state the obvious) and to be happy and enjoy your life has got to be even better.  That sounds naff, I quite appreciate that!  But it is true: it is a beautiful life.

More soon.