Eating the right kinds of fat

Well, what do you know.  It is important to eat the right kinds of fat and I just found out that I don't know nearly as much about that subject as I fondly imagined I did.

Dang.

Very inspiring article in the Huffington Post: Time for an oil change
(Give it a read, lots of useful information there.)


I have noticed some of these symptoms but had no idea that these are clues: brittle nails, dry skin and aching joints.  Because of my high cholesterol I try to eat as little fat as possible and eat more omega 3 rich foods than other greasy and processed foods.  It seems that I have't identified the right kinds of food yet.

I am doing okay in eating salmon but I was clueless about walnuts and brazil nuts.  These are good for me?  Dammit, I love those and I've been trying to stay away from them!

I can't believe that I didn't know that.  I feel a bit stunned.  Pulled up.  It is really good to find out now: I can start to do something about this.

I thought for a while that I want to find out more about nutrition.  My diet is not great and I know it could be a lot better.  I'm beginning to get the feeling that my diet might actually be quite a bit worse than I thought - the lovely thing is that I can actively do something about it and the best place to start is knowing what kinds of foods to try that I haven't given a chance.

It is even better that between writing the last bit and this, I went and got busy in the kitchen.  I had courgette and broccoli stems in the fridge that were fresh, lots of onion and made steamed rice with it.  I'm munching on that now.  Nothing to do with fats (I used a touch of olive oil) but I am doing something about my vegetable deficit.

My problem is that I don't really know what tastes good.  When standing in a big supermarket it's just so hard to try and decide what I feel like. And when I find ingredients or sauces and marinades that sound tasty then I don't know how to cook them.  I am just clueless. If I do ever date again then I will need to warn the poor guy: I boil a mean pasta (just the right side of nicely al dente. A lot of the time anyway) and I'm a terrific warmer-upper of pasta sauce, but apart from that...

I had a lime and sweet chilli marinade that works well with these vegetables plus a can of chopped tomatoes. I added plenty of salt reduced soy sauce and then went to town on some herbs that I felt like: Italian mixed herbs, chilli powder and lemon pepper.  A bit of chicken would have improved the meal but that's the only negative.  I very much want to try out all sorts of flavours so I know what I like - I'll be able to shop with specific dishes in mind and I just know that that's going to make things so, so, so much easier!

I will be looking out for walnuts and omega 3 eggs next time I'm in the supermarket (I can already picture which aisles they're on) - I would add them to my shopping list, if I made one, whoops (another point for that list of: might be a good idea/could try that).  Now all I need to figure out is: what the heck is cold water fish when it's at home?

Isn't it a good thing that I like figuring things out?  Another opportunity for my favourite pastime: diving into this there Internet thingy  - with abandon!

Fun.

An exercise to boost your self-esteem

I'm really fed up with the negative rubbish that sometimes runs through my head (ker-klunk, ker-klunk, ker-klunk).  Dark, dysmal, gloomy thoughts are such an obstacle to living life more positively, cheerful and brighter:  when your sense of curiosity animates you, when hopefulness energises you and a positive frame of mind makes it possible to see things as do-able, instead of hanging back fearfully and letting the negativity restrict my outlook.

But when I keep telling myself the same old codswallop that I don't even want to think of let alone repeat here in this blog post, then trying to hit the off switch ain't all that easy*.

That's why I like the simple exercise as described in this article on the Gay UK News website. The specific bit starts a bit further down and is head-lined: Boost your confidence.

Making a list of things you feel good about, and re-reading it as often as you can!  I really like the idea.

I do similar things, even though probably not often enough.  I like to put up a big old sign with a short mantra or quotation.  I place it next to a mirror or on a door that I use a lot.  Anywhere where I will see it often.

I don't keep the same one forever.  The shortest one said: Smile!
The corniest one was probably: I deserve it (I just about resisted the 'I am worth it' variation...).
I'm thinking of putting up a new mantra, it'll have to be something along fabulous lines.  I could do with a bit of a spark in my life.  (To be pondered...)

Other people do similar things with a photo, or a child's crayon drawing.  The kinds of things that remind you - feeling more upbeat is better for you (yup, corny again).

Maybe it's the body's natural endorphins that lift our mood, maybe that's how it works.  I don't really care, I just don't want the ker-klunk stuff running through my head.

*: I am not talking about depression.  I do not believe that you can lift yourself out of depression by using will power.  I am talking about the moods I get at times when negative thoughts do that carousel in my head thing.  The kind of thing where changing what you think will change how you feel.

How I managed to stop smoking and stuck with it

This is part 2 of my 'how I stopped smoking' post.

I woke up one morning, my throat felt like a fuzzy chimney and I really, really did not feel like a cigarette (the run-up to that is in part 1).

After thinking about it for half the day of dozing, I did decide that I was going to see how the next hour would go without smoking.

It went okay.

I cleaned out all the ashtrays, I found things to do to take my mind off it - and after that hour I decided that I wanted to do this 'not smoking thing' for another hour.  Again, no pressure, and just to see how it would go.

That went okay too.

By then I felt emboldened!  Maybe I could go the rest of the day and not smoke, and actually make it the first day of being a non-smoker?  Wouldn't that be something?

It was quite exciting, actually.

I went through the day after, a Sunday, halfway expecting for that excitement and resolve to melt away and vanish into nothingness, - or give way to overwhelming craving that I wouldn't be able to stand up to.

I always thought that you would have to muster a heck of a lot of will power and really fight against the craving - to get to be a non-smoker.  I have never done well when my hopes and ambitions go up against pressure and expectation.

I figured out that you can deal with a craving a different way:  wait it out.

It may sound a bit silly, but I found out that the passive way worked much better for me.  So much better that I did stop smoking that day and for the last six years (hah, and a bit!) I have not smoked.  Not even one puff.  How good is that?

And I think that my success is down to how I did it.

The waiting out thing worked for me like this:  the craving would come and I'd be afraid that it would build and build and build, as in get stronger, with me climbing the walls (I could literally picture myself spider-like stuck to the wall near its ceiling) and that I would then have to give in and light up.  To make the horrid pressure go away and stop the craving.

Well, I wasn't using will power, I wasn't fighting this.  Instead I let the craving wash over me like a wave and I waited to see what would happen.  Funny thing is: the craving did not get stronger, in fact it wouldn't even last very long.  Maybe two minutes at the most?  But I think most of the time it wasn't nearly as long as that.  More like half a minute, some times even just 20 seconds, at other times closer to a minute.

But I found it really doable to just wait until it passed.

You can do a minute or two at a time of feeling crap and horrible and feeling like you want to give up.  My nicotine cravings didn't stick around for very long, they never got stronger than when the craving first hit.

Over the years I've had a pretty bad attack of the craving maybe up to ten times.  I almost faltered at about four of those occasions.  I am a bit surprised that I didn't.

The other thing I did was research on the Internet: I found out what happens with your body 20 minutes after your last cigarette (the nicotine level in your blood goes back to normal), and what happens after so and so many hours and days, weeks and months, etc.

It was nice to check my progress against that sort of timeline.  I also found some quite supportive stuff that built my morale.

The biggest help was imagining the face of my father once he realised that I'd stopped!  My inner eye produced quite a picture!  That got me past many sticky moments.  I also marked each day with a big red letter in a paper diary.  Particularly up to Day 20 when I knew I would meet up with my Dad.

It was the funniest thing ever: he noticed immediately that I no longer stank of smoke but didn't dare ask me straight away if I could have possibly given up.  In fact he left it almost two hours and by then it had become very apparent that I hadn't lit up and wasn't going to any time soon.  And I wasn't going to tell him because I wanted his surprised reaction!  It was wonderful to get his very hesitant question if it was at all possible that I might have, possibly, at all, uh... given up? And to be able to answer: Yes! I have!

That was so good.

The other things I did was to go for a walk around the block: before I would have taken a quick cigarette break in the morning, and also during the afternoon.  I was worried that I would miss those breaks away from my desk so much that I might be tempted to pick up smoking again.  So I checked with the people at work to make sure it was okay to disappear for five minutes for my breather - in support of this whole 'giving up smoking' business!  They were happy to.

It was brilliant to walk round and be able to smell stuff that I hadn't noticed for years: the scent from a flower pot, someone's perfume, even the acrid smell of petrol from somewhere were all reason for celebration and joy!

I also kept a diary that I wrote in almost every day.  Just to put on paper how I was feeling, what I was experiencing, how it was going.  Sort of chart my progress and how things felt.  I also included my findings from the Internet: if something I'd found helped, if it sparked off any ideas or insights.  It felt like I was getting support from this, getting rid of some of the tension: by sticking it all down on paper.

These are the sorts of things that helped me.  It was a huge relief to find that the craving would remain at that intensity instead of getting worse, and would diminish relatively soon.  I found my walks a welcome interruption from work, and the anticipation to tell people once I felt successful enough to tell them: that was wonderful as well!

I reckon most of the things I did were setting myself up for success.  I managed to avoid the things that had often served to set things up for failure.  I don't handle pressure and expectation well, letting the craving pass by waiting it out worked so much better.

I hope this helps someone else.  You may find that there are other things that are useful to you but perhaps what I said sparks off something beneficial.

And I must say: I really enjoy being a non-smoker.  The money I save, the time I have available, the absence of the cigarette smell in clothes, hair and my home, the relief that I am no longer endangering my health but getting better every day - it is all good.  And I am so very glad that I didn't smoke that next cigarette on the day that became my first day as a non-smoker.  I would have gotten there but it would have taken so much longer.

Good luck to you! Take heart.

It is difficult but simpler than you think.  It is not as easy but also not as harrowing as we expect.

My decision to stop smoking and how I got to it

This is the big blog post that I was looking forward to writing since I started this blog.  I am hoping this may help someone else, or perhaps just spark off an idea to set you onto your own path to do things your own way.

I used to smoke quite heavily, 40 a day for the last two years or so.  I smoked for 22 years.  The daily number of cigarettes had steadily increased over those years and I was worried, and more and more anxious about my health.  I didn't like the fact that I would get a cold and keep the cough for six weeks or longer.  I hated getting breathless and feeling annoyingly unfit.  I wasn't keen on being the only one to leave a restaurant to stand in some doorway for the cigarette that I needed.

I wanted to stop for a while but couldn't see how.  I didn't think I would succeed if I tried before I was ready.  Worse: whenever I had tried to stop in the past I would smoke quite a lot more when I failed and I couldn't get that number back down again.

Even thinking about not feeling able to successfully stop made me more anxious.

I reckon now that all my attempts failed because, when it comes down to it, I hadn't really wanted to stop.  I did enjoy it and I resented other people telling me that I should stop.  But for the last two or maybe two and a half years I got closer and closer to knowing that I definitely wanted to stop and that I now wanted to figure out how I would do so.

When you get ready to think about the practicalities (would I try sugar free lollies to keep my fingers and mouth busy? Chewing gum? Patches?) then it gets easier and easier to consider that you might me successful.  That old obstacle, the fear of failure, doesn't sit quite as tightly on you with its stranglehold.


The day I stopped smoking (the first day that I didn't smoke anymore!) was a day I hadn't known would be the one.  Might be the best way.  I had no idea that I was smoking my last cigarette the night before.  I think that's a good thing: less expectation, less pressure, more likelihood of success.

Any time I had tried to stop before I had felt like I was climbing the walls.  I thought I had to exert a lot of will power to stop myself from giving in to the craving.  And I didn't do well in that.  At all.  The whole thing made me even more anxious.  When I think back I see it as horribly oppressive pressure.  It just makes you feel small and powerless when you feel in the grips of something that's stronger than you.  And all the worry, fear and anxiety just makes it worse.

I had completely overdone it the night before.  I must have smoked about 50 cigarettes if not more (I wouldn't recommend doing that at all), I added another two self-rolled ones when I got home: I'd run out all of a sudden and had to resort to a bit of old, dried up rolling tobacco.  Those two cigarettes were horrible!  Hot smoke hitting the back of your throat, bits of tobacco too, eergh, horrible.

Even though I didn't want to just yet, I went to bed rather than having another one like that.

Woke up next day and didn't feel like another one.  Funnily enough that wasn't the first time this happened: I used to light up first thing on opening my eyes but for the last month or so, some of the time, I had been able to put off the very first one in the day to later.

That Saturday, between dozing and waking, I wondered if this was a good day for stopping.  Discarded the idea: nah, wouldn't happen, and besides: did I really want to?  Couldn't make up my mind.  Fell asleep again.  Woke up, wondered a bit more.  Thought it was worth a go, changed my mind.  Dozed some more.

Then it was mid day and I realised: this was half a day of those horrible, difficult first two days of no longer smoking gone!  A quarter of the hardest time had passed already!  I knew that if I smoked another cigarette that day then it would take me months to get to the same point.  Months of black smoke going into my lungs, months of wanting to but feeling that I wouldn't be able to stop.

I thought it was worth a try - just for the next hour.  No sense in piling on the pressure (I do not do well under pressure!  Put pressure on me and I crumble, guaranteed!).  Just to see how that would be.

So I went and cleaned out the ashtrays.  I didn't have to breathe that in if I could help it.

That hour went okay.


To be continued in part 2.