Change is good



Change is good.  It doesn't have to be scary.  What is scary is hate filled speech by people who never learned that they can accept that people are different.  It is as if some people are only able to feel good about themselves when everyone that surrounds them is just like them.  As if different opinions, as if diversity in itself, is felt by them as a rejection of who they are - as if to their mind it affects how good they feel about themselves.

Hey: if you need to look down on others so you can feel good about yourself - there's something wrong here.  If you can't accept that others lead their lives on principles and values you don't approve of, if you have to disparage others - then your own morality is not moral.  You give no-one the right to tell you how to lead your life, do not expect to take this right upon yourself: you are not your brother's keeper, you are not the keeper of others.  You can only make judgements about yourself.  Do you?

Whatever we are used to, it's comfy.  It feels like it has to be right because it is familiar.  When you realise that something doesn't work for you any longer, when it becomes clear that a change of some sort is needed, - it can feel very scary.  So scary that many people would rather do anything except to change.

That's because all of us are not used to change.  We all of us embrace what we know.  We all of us cling to what makes sense to us.  But that doesn't mean that we can't see what's beyond our realm of experience.  That we can't open our eyes and see.  We should be able to see that others have different points of view.  We should be able to feel that that's okay.

The world can be a brighter place when we are not too scared about what divides us in terms of experience, knowledge, values and insights.  Just like a homophobe is too scared of shining a light on their own prejudices we should look at our own prejudices and examine them.

Change is scary but it is not bad for us.  Particularly when we allow ourselves to learn.


What kicked off this blog post is this site I found: http://www.whof.net/ - I am very impressed by the project: reporting homophobic hate speech on Facebook.  Acting against hate is so important and I probably don't do enough of it myself because I only talk with people who already agree with me.
There are some terrific sections about LGBT issues - I particularly like the page on what to do when you are being bullied, whether that's homophobic bullying or bullying for other reasons.  Well worth checking out.

Civility

Much heard online right now.  A pretty important concept.  Do onto others as you wish to be treated.

Which made me feel rather red-facedly ashamed when I stood in front of the opening tube door this morning and didn't realise for a moment that I was standing in the way of someone trying to get off.

Because that's precisely the behaviour that I utterly and completely detest!

You're on a tube train, it pulls into your station.  You fought your way to, or nearer to, the door (or actually: you're just announcing your intention to get off at the next stop by standing up taller and looking very determined), the train stops, you see the people on the platform outside shifting around.  And just as you're congratulating yourself on having a clear path not just off the train but to zip along towards the exit too: someone shifts around some more and ends up right in your way: smack bang exactly in front of the opening door.  Usually with a really bovine expression on their faces: 'why aren't you getting off already so I can get on?'  When you say 'excuse me' the facial expression then changes to something like: 'Well, you can contort yourself and move around me, can't you!?' - I can't even begin to say how much that gets to me!

And this morning, I'm stood there like an absolute idiot waiting to get on the train, and I just couldn't understand why that wasn't possible straight away.  Not until that passenger said, rather annoyed (read: seriously pissed off): " 'scuse me!"  I completely understand the annoyance, believe me, only too well!

I hope that my "I am so sorry!" and jumping smartly out of the way was really as quick as I hope.  But, honestly, how daft of me!

I guess it's down to the fact that 'normally' at this time in the morning, no-one gets off the tube at this stop.  I must have been half asleep still.  But that's no excuse - I really should have been more with it and moved without having to be prompted.  Common courtesy.  It makes other peole feel better and it doesn't cost you anything.

I really must pay more attention, even when half-asleep and in my own little world.  It's not a new year's resolution (I don't do those), but I'd like to be a bit more conscious of the world around me, and something like this is definitely a part of it.  A big part.

I think I would like to think some more on the whole subject of good manners.  Wouldn't it be so lovely if I could raise my game a bit in that area, sort of generally, across the board?  That would really make me feel good about myself, I must say.

Here's to civility!

Are good manners important?  What do they mean to you?